There’s an old saying that, you should never a-lender or a-borrower be. While different people have different thoughts on borrowing money, it’s pretty clear that whom you borrow from is at least as important as how much you borrow, and for what reason. Borrowing from reputable cash loans lenders for emergencies is a far cry from using some not-so-reputable lenders for frivolous spending. Some people might be fine with a late payment now and again, while some others might take their interest in your blood.
The following list is a group of people who you really don’t want to cross when it comes to their almighty dollars. If you have to go hungry for awhile or beg your landlord for more time on the rent, do it. It’s just not worth the potential pain of ticking off the people on this list.
Anybody With a Body Part in Their Name
If you’ve been thinking about taking out a loan for a few Gs this weekend from Freddy Big Fingers or Jesse the Spleen, do yourself a favor and get a clue. Anybody who has a body part in their name got it for a very good reason. As a general rule, it’s either a trait nobody dares to make fun of them for, or a part they particularly enjoy forcibly removing when borrowers neglect their payments.
Look around someone’s office for other clues that you shouldn’t borrow money from them. If they have a suspiciously large amount of cement and a drill press nearby, it’s not necessarily because they work in “construction.” You should leave One-leg Angelo to his own devices.
Pirates
This pirate is really tired of your excuses. A man doesn’t sail halfway around the world pillaging all day long and drinking bad rum just to come back without his loan payments. Hook polish isn’t cheap, and running a vessel of conquest is downright expensive. If you think he’ll just make you walk the plank, consider that it might take you an hour to exhaust your endurance in the water.
You might also consider that with a little work, a human body can fit into a canon. Just keep that in mind before you ask this guy to spot you some booty. Seriously, have you ever considered just finding a publican for your weekend party money?
Mario
Mario isn’t the kind of guy you want to mess with. Other than being able to jump 50 feet in the air and smash bricks with his fists (and occasionally tail), the authorities suspect he’s had dealings in illicit mushrooms since the 80s. While he may or may not be the reincarnation of Tony Montana, Mario is a serious bad boy. Did you know he can occasionally shoot fireballs?
So, why would you take out a loan from a guy who has spent the better part of his life leaping around and risking his life to gather coins? His occupation is stomping people, chucking vegetables at them, and throwing them into pools of lava. With a death that ridiculous, you’d be a shoo in for an episode of 1,000 Ways to Die.
Look at the guy. Staring at you with those massive eyebrows. He’s even holding some sort of torture device in public, in broad daylight no less!
Leprechauns
Everybody knows that one of the stupidest things you can do is to steal a leprechaun’s gold. These little whelps will pursue you to the ends of the earth for one little piece of their horde, and they’ll never stop. Did you know that they can also wield powerful magic?
While you might think there’s a difference between borrowing and stealing, leprechauns aren’t known for their mercy when you don’t pay up. To them, someone else having their money constitutes theft and justifies a serious round of old-fashioned Irish pain. Magical powers notwithstanding, this guy looks like he would really enjoy putting a whiskey bottle into a place where it was never designed to go.
Muppets
Muppets are often expressed as nice, lovable creatures that enjoy nothing more than singing an educational and entertaining song. But beneath their public facade, muppets are an evil race of Satan’s most trusted and lethal henchmen.
While a pirate might drown or “fire” you, a muppet will sing a long, increasingly high-pitched song about how your soul will spend the rest of eternity being torn asunder while hell’s Valkyries bend the shadows ominously toward you.
Run all you like, fool, but there is no escape. You should never have borrowed money from a muppet.
Dark Lords of the Sith
Okay, let’s forget that Darth Maul has the ability to slice not one but two people in half with his lightsaber/staff. Let’s also forget that he couldn’t have possibly have been a good guy with a face like that. If you borrow money from this man, there’s a pretty good chance he’ll bring an imperial entourage and let them have their way with you for a few hours before he finally puts you out of your misery.
In other words, don’t ever borrow money from a super-powered sociopath. Speaking of superpowers…
Superpowered Individuals
First of all, the weakest person depicted in this image can still beat the tar out of you if you miss a payment. While they might pretend to be “good guys” or “super friends,” this band of hustlers has gotten a lot of “protection money” out of the UN. So while they’re flush with cash and don’t really need to buy things, superpowered individuals still have a lot of rage against the “injustice” of being a deadbeat.
You know how it is. You take out a loan, then you remember there’s money in your pocket and you go have a few drinks. The next thing you know, you’re broke and in a strange place with a new tattoo. These guys and gals aren’t buying it, though. You either pay up, or they’ll hurl you into the Sun.
In Conclusion
There are a lot of seriously bad people out there, and they usually have money that they’ll happily lend you. The bad thing about borrowing from them is that it might be the last thing you ever do. While it’s great to have financial options, sometimes it’s best to just save your money instead of borrowing it from a maniac.